Does it ever get any easier?

I have been asking this question since college. Life just seems to get more and more complicated, and I keep thinking that there must come a time when things sit still and get simpler. Right? Uhhh... maybe not.

It's not that I don't like what I'm doing right now -- teaching is good; I wish my high school students were a little less out to lunch, and I wish the keyboards at City College actually worked, and that there were enough of them for all the students, but other than that it's not so bad. What makes me miserable is... I don't know, my own lack of time management skills, or something. I feel chronically unprepared. But I feel like no matter how much time I spend preparing, it's still not enough.

Of course, the real dark, deep, shameful truth is, my heart is not 100% in my work these days. I see it as a way to earn money to pay for my wedding. That's about it. Musicians are supposed to be 150% passionate about their work all the time, they're supposed to love every minute of it and not even care if they get paid! Well, I'm sorry to have to say that sometimes it's a grind, like anything else. If I didn't have to work right now... well, I still would work some anyway, but I'd probably cut out half of what I'm doing. And yes, I feel guilty about that. But I just can't do it all. I don't want to anymore.